Assert Yourself to be Happy

Being Top Dog doesn't mean your the Happiest Dog


In our day-to-day interactions with others we tend to fall into patterns of behaviour - styles of contact. One of the most common patterns I see, especially when working with couples, is the dichotomy of Passive - Aggressive, that is to say one person takes up the role of being aggressive and the other the role of being passive. We all have seen examples of two people speaking where one effectively controls the conversation and the other 'brow beaten', simply takes what's being dished out.

To me it seems like we are living in a society that actually encourages aggressive behaviour. Many describe sales and business people as aggressive, as if it's a virtuous and necessary quality to succeed. But is it beneficial to either the one in command or is being passive a better option?

The Pros and Cons of having an aggressive personality


Being dominant and aggressive can help you acquire your material desires, and offer you control over others, but on the downside there can be costs to your health through stress, alienation from others, the fear of being knocked off your perch and feelings of guilt.

The Pros and Cons of having a passive personality


Taking the option of being led and controlled can avoid conflict, lessens your responsibilities, gives you the 'nice guy/gal' image, and has you being looked after by others. The downside is not living a fulfilled life, less satisfying and fulfilling relationships, low self-esteem, depression, anxiety and inability to control your own emotions.

There is a better way of relating with others


It is so easy to fall into the roles of being either passive or aggressive, most people do it so often out of habit, they simply aren't aware of it. Oh, and you can switch between the roles. But as seen there is a lot of cons to fall in the roles, including the one real big one, no matter if your acting aggressively or passively - you just won't be having good meaningful relational contact with each other! When we are stuck in these roles we aren't allowing the full expression of our unique humanity.

There is a better way that allows you to be fully your self without the need to transgress another (aggressive) or be transgressed (passive), a way to have both your boundaries respected whilst maintaining the respect of the others boundaries, a way to be heard and to hear - Assertiveness

Assertiveness - what is it?


Funny enough many people actually don't understand what assertive means. Probably because we are so stuck in the Passive - Aggressive mode of operation, anything that diverges from it seems odd. Assertiveness is not, as some think, pushing your ideas or views on another (that's aggressive!), it is about stating your feelings, your thoughts, your boundaries, whilst at the same time recognising those of the other.

Benefits of Assertiveness


Feel good about yourself
Fulfilling relationships
Positive Energy
Intimacy and meaningful connections
Reduced anxiety and fear
Living your 'own' life


If your ready to assert your way to happiness, but need a helping hand then make an appointment today with Cyan
9363 3850 or 0437 280 911
www.livingthought.com.au
cyan@livingthought.com.au

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I am one of the few registered therapist who has been trained to offer this Australian innovation with clinically proven results. Feel free to contact me on 9363 3850 or 0437 280 911 or visit my website www.livingthought.com.au for more information.

Cyan introduces Living Thought.wmv

The importance of using qualified therapists

I have just watched the ABC's 4 Corners program on the proudly unqualified and untrained therapist in W.A. who has abused the sacred trust of the therapeutic relationship, by planting supposed 'lost memories' through his own unique (thank the gods no one else uses it) style of therapy????

Besides the initial repulsion of this form of abuse, it brings to mind the, the importance of seeking help only from a professional, qualified and registered counsellor/therapist. Introduced mid last year specifically to try and minimise theses types of situations was the Australian Register of Counsellors and Psychotherapists (ARCAP) which I am proudly registered with (ARCAP Reg. No. 8250).

We would not trust our physical health and well being to a backyard untrained surgeon, nor should we trust untrained, unqualified so called therapists.

I fully encourage and support everyone to ask their therapist/counsellor what qualifications and experience they have. Shop around - your well being is valuable.

Here is a handy hint to kick the stress out of your day.

Stress KILLS!!!

I can not stress this more (pun intended)

We live in a world that is getting more and more stressed. The stresses of working longer and harder. The stress of trying to earn more and more money to pay for the ever increasing expenses of today's world. Family and relationship break-ups. Worries about international terrorism.....stress, stress, stress......

If your sick of stress (and stress cause a lot of sickness) then here is a little gift from me to you.

The One Minute Meditation

Find somewhere peaceful and quiet. You might want to sit under a tree or sit in your favourite couch. Close your eyes if you want.

Tell yourself this: “For the next one minute, I am not going to worry about anything and I am not going be bothered by anything.”
Try to be free of all inner and outer conflicts for one minute. Try not to think about any worries, pressures, stress or pains. Give yourself this one minute as a holiday gift!

This is a powerful intervention. Can you be free from inner conflict for one minute? See what hinders your attitude to be worry free for one minute. If you can be peaceful and free from anxiety for one minute then you can do it for two minutes and then more.

The Importance of Support

Humans are not solitary creatures, we are in many ways pack animals - part of a herd. Sure Adult humans can survive on their own, sometimes for years. There are even those who chose solitary life-styles such as religious hermits, but generally speaking for own mental health we need the contact, and nourishment of being with other people.

It is one thing having other humans around us and it's another thing having truly nourishing, meaningful relationships that involve contact and support. What do I mean? Well unless your one of those who lives in an isolated cave, you probably do have people around you at least some of the time, you might even find your self having no time at all to yourself, but that doesn't mean your getting what you need from being with others.

What we most need from humans is a sense of support, an sense of being amongst others who are in some way like ourselves, that's to say we share similar thoughts. And that's what really important - sharing. the ability to share what your thinking and feeling with others, and to have the sense that they not only willing receive (understand) what your sharing, but are also willing to share their feelings, emotions, and thoughts with you.

Simple chatter with others doesn't meet this need. A gossip with the neighbour doesn't either. We, as humans, need to have meaningful connections with others where we can truly openly communicate. And believe it or not, that ain't as easy in today's world as you might believe. All the Facebooking and SMSing in the world won't give you what your yearning for.

That's why professional counsellors like myself train for years learning how to do just that - communicate in a meaningful way.

Need someone to talk to? Well I am ready and willing to be there for you.

Today's Thought

"In times of change learners inherit the earth; while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists." Eric Hoffer.

Introduction

Hi and welcome one and all, Perhaps I am not the fastest to pick up 'new' things such as bloging and social networking, but I am looking forward to have yourselves follow some of the things I will be discussing in the very near future.

As one of Australia's pioneering specialist Nutritional Psychotherapist, I will be giving a few updates in the new field that incorporates both nutrition and psychotherapy/counselling to improve mental health.

So here is looking forward......

Don't forget you can visit my websites:
http://www.livingthought.com.au or http://www.eataholics.com.au

or follow me on:
http://twitter.com/Living_Thought or Face Book: Living Thought