Being Top Dog doesn't mean your the Happiest Dog
In our day-to-day interactions with others we tend to fall into patterns of behaviour - styles of contact. One of the most common patterns I see, especially when working with couples, is the dichotomy of Passive - Aggressive, that is to say one person takes up the role of being aggressive and the other the role of being passive. We all have seen examples of two people speaking where one effectively controls the conversation and the other 'brow beaten', simply takes what's being dished out.
To me it seems like we are living in a society that actually encourages aggressive behaviour. Many describe sales and business people as aggressive, as if it's a virtuous and necessary quality to succeed. But is it beneficial to either the one in command or is being passive a better option?
The Pros and Cons of having an aggressive personality
Being dominant and aggressive can help you acquire your material desires, and offer you control over others, but on the downside there can be costs to your health through stress, alienation from others, the fear of being knocked off your perch and feelings of guilt.
The Pros and Cons of having a passive personality
Taking the option of being led and controlled can avoid conflict, lessens your responsibilities, gives you the 'nice guy/gal' image, and has you being looked after by others. The downside is not living a fulfilled life, less satisfying and fulfilling relationships, low self-esteem, depression, anxiety and inability to control your own emotions.
There is a better way of relating with others
It is so easy to fall into the roles of being either passive or aggressive, most people do it so often out of habit, they simply aren't aware of it. Oh, and you can switch between the roles. But as seen there is a lot of cons to fall in the roles, including the one real big one, no matter if your acting aggressively or passively - you just won't be having good meaningful relational contact with each other! When we are stuck in these roles we aren't allowing the full expression of our unique humanity.
There is a better way that allows you to be fully your self without the need to transgress another (aggressive) or be transgressed (passive), a way to have both your boundaries respected whilst maintaining the respect of the others boundaries, a way to be heard and to hear - Assertiveness
Assertiveness - what is it?
Funny enough many people actually don't understand what assertive means. Probably because we are so stuck in the Passive - Aggressive mode of operation, anything that diverges from it seems odd. Assertiveness is not, as some think, pushing your ideas or views on another (that's aggressive!), it is about stating your feelings, your thoughts, your boundaries, whilst at the same time recognising those of the other.
Benefits of Assertiveness
Feel good about yourself
Fulfilling relationships
Positive Energy
Intimacy and meaningful connections
Reduced anxiety and fear
Living your 'own' life
If your ready to assert your way to happiness, but need a helping hand then make an appointment today with Cyan
9363 3850 or 0437 280 911
www.livingthought.com.au
cyan@livingthought.com.au
